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2011 Mommybites Summit Keynote Video: Hal Runkel, ScreamFree Relationships

Elise — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 19:21:47 +0000

As part of our commitment to educate our community, we had the amazing opportunity to have Hal Runkel, founder of ScreamFree Institute, speak as our keynote at the 2011 Mommybites Summit. He was nothing short of amazing and his message resonated loud and clear (but there was definitely no screaming). We know many of our community members couldn’t make the evening festivities so we wanted to make sure you had the chance to see what close to 300 attendees got to experience first hand: the magic of Hal Runkel.

Below is a video of his 35 minute talk he gave on May 19, 2011. Watch, listen, and enact his easy action items. Then let’s start talking, supporting, and sharing our strengths, struggles, and lesson learned so that we as a community can all come together to be the best parents we can.

Tell us your thoughts. Feel free to ask questions and we can get them answered by others in our community as well as any expert that chimes in too. Let’s get the conversation started.

Surviving the First Year: Mommybites Summit Session Recap

Elise — Tue, 31 May 2011 15:33:59 +0000

By Mae Hacking, Here in This House

Marsha Greenberg M.S., M.S. W., a New York City therapist, shared an evocative and thought-provoking view on the shifting relationships among the mother, partner and baby in the baby’s first year. Along the way, she shared her thoughts on how to survive the many changes in store.

The Process

Images. Before you are even pregnant, you create images of how you think you will parent, first by defining what you are not going to do. Most times, this is different from the images your partner will create which helps you create a unique experience for your child
Attachment. You begin to develop an attachment to your unborn baby. Most mothers are ambivalent when they find out they’re pregnant but begin to make the connection through the power of touch. Note how mothers are often holding and touching their bellies
Connection
- Both the mother and partner need to define how each will connect with the baby and both may find their relationships with others will shift to accommodate this new relationship
- Mothers often micromanage the baby and don’t allow others to develop their own connections. Partners may require different or longer time period to define their own relationship with the baby
- Don’t play resident expert. Let your partner figure out what is needed to do to handle the baby
Recovery. We often do not make enough room to fully recover. In any other situation should your inner organs be so displaced and need to return to normal, you would be told to rest and recover. But mothers are expected to get up and about which is too demanding and can cause great fatigue
Sleep. The biggest competing need between a mom and her baby is sleep. The baby had all its needs met in utero without even having to ask. But after delivery, everything is different and they can’t think, can’t ask questions. All they have are their reflexes. Your touch will send neurological signals to the baby to calm down
Help. Ask for help. Even if you don’t like to ask for help, there is something nice about having someone to help. Have them put in a load of laundry, run an errand, talk with you, take baby for a minute so you can rest. Use words to ask for help. It feels good to ask and it feels good for other people when they can help.
Self Care. Make time for yourself. Don’t think that you don’t have time. If you take all the time you are abusive to yourself and convert that to time for yourself, you’ll have at least a few minutes if not even more.
Sex. Sex is an important part of your relationship and is physiologically important to men. Make the time to get reacquainted with your body after delivery as your body has endured much change. Scheduling sex is not unusual for new parents and may be critical in maintaining intimacy between partners.

Did You Know?

The step reflex helps the baby move through the birth canal during labor? As the uterine contracts and touches the sole of the foot, the reflex causes the baby to push against the surface, creating movement down the birth canal

Within fifteen seconds of birth, a baby is able to turn towards the mother’s voice. Soon after, they turn to the partner’s voice

Marsha’s talk resonated with the audience of moms, expectant moms and dads. She gave a excellent and honest preview of what was to come for the expectant moms and a welcome reminder of those unique times for those that were already parents.

Mama, do you tweet me?!? Twitter Explodes with Mommybites Summit Tweets!

Elise — Mon, 23 May 2011 14:00:21 +0000

The 2011 Mommybites Summit was a rocking time in person but the Twittersphere was a glow over the evening’s events too. Using the #mommybites, there were over 215,000 people who saw our over 700 tweets (and that was just that night; there have been many more since)!!!

Here are some of the tweets from the evening:

newyorkfamily: #FF to @babybites for delivering wonderfully on their night of “Shop Play Learn” at #Mommybites

YellowBrck: So the #mommybites summit was fabulous…

ComplicatedMama: @crazycrunchy just seeing your tweet. So glad you like the tips! The @babybites panels were great tonight. Esp @TodaysMoms #mommybites

coleemmett: Mommy had a terrific time at #Mommybites tonight- thanks so much to @babybites! So nice to see @emjnj @TheBabyGuyNYC @BabyPlannerNYC

xoKatHarrison: #Mommybites was a huge success tonight with @newyorkfamily! Lovely to put faces with so many names. Bravo @babybites.

TodaysMoms: Last ones standing at the #Mommybites Summit. Thanks so much to @babybites Laura & Heather for fun eve. Huge congrats http://lockerz.com/s/103096468

practicallygrn: loved the smart buzz @babybites #mommybites Summit tonight! So many great attendees. et @jenrab

pmaelee: Wish I had heard Marsha Greenberg’s talk when I was first pregnant. Must be enlightening for the expectant moms here. #Mommybites

halrunkel: Just finished a fantastic event with #Mommybites in NY! Great crowd, well-organized, & I came away w/ new helpful info.

ecachette: I feel bad for everyone at #mommybites missing out on this product safety talk by @keiths19. crazy. I’m LEARNING SO MUCH! #productsafety

TodaysMoms: gave a great talk at the #Mommybites Summit tonight. Moms, don’t forget to take time for yourself and let yourself be imperfect!

momconfessional @HalRunkel @ScreamFree was amazing as he keynote speaker at #mommybites… I was a littler nervous about the 45 min part but so awesome!!

mommyshorts: #mommybites has destroyed my perfect losing streak. Just won a Britax stroller!

sofamilyonline: I’m at the #Mommybites Summit in NYC meeting fabulous mommies and vendors. (http://yfrog.com/h0sg5dvj)

jenrab: Listening in on the Practically Green breakout session, a topic near and dear to my heart. #mommybites

primetimeparent: Congrats to @babybites on such a nice crowd tonight at the #mommybites summit!!

StaceyCrew: At #mommybites summit. Shaping up to be an exciting evening!

ComplicatedMama: Babybites has moved their Facebook Group to an official page- “Like” them! #mommybites

Thank you to all of our social media savvy community members for reporting the night’s events as well as sharing your feedback/comments/reactions in real time! Be sure to follow babybites on Twitter to not miss out on real time reporting of future babybites’ events.

Photos from the 2011 Mommybites Summit in NYC!

Elise — Mon, 23 May 2011 01:28:18 +0000

We had the most amazing time last Thursday night with over 500 of our community members, experts, and vendors at the 2011 Mommybites Summit. We have so much to be thankful for but we are quite simply thankful for all of you who supported us during the months/days/hours/afterhours making this event the BEST one of its kind EVER (yes those are the very words many of you have written to us after the event). Thank you, thank you, thank you.

We are excited to share these pictures of the festivities with you from our WONDERFUL photographer, Jenny Sherouse. These photos can also be found on our Facebook page so everyone can tag themselves too!

They’ll be at the 2011 Mommybites Summit, will you?

Elise — Tue, 10 May 2011 01:39:00 +0000

Check out all of the fantastic media that will be attending the 2011 Mommybites Summit on May 19 in NYC!!! Also be sure to check out their fantastic websites as well as follow them (on Twitter, of course;) while they’re at the Summit. We’re certain they’ll have some great tips/products/pics to share from the night that will make you feel like you’re right there too!

Made for Mom (Hecho Para Mama)

Obsessed TV

So Family Online

A Mommy in the City

A Child Grows in Brooklyn

From Hip to Housewife

You can help us spread the word about the Mommybites 2011 Summit by grabbing a badge for your blog/website and copy the code to one of our buttons for your blog’s sidebar. Thanks!

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Check out what they’re saying about the Mommybites Summit 2011!

Elise — Mon, 09 May 2011 12:53:09 +0000

The 2011 Mommybites Summit is getting closer and closer!!! We are getting excited and so is the press. Check out what the local media outlets are saying about the Mommybites Summit:

A Child Grows in Brooklyn: A Summit for Parents

Macaroni Kid NYC Downtown: Mark Your Calendar for May 19!

City Mommy: Mommybites Summit, May 19!

Momtrends NYC: Mommybites Summit

Macaroni Kid NYC Upper East Side: The Mommybites Summit Returns!

** If you have written a post about the 2011 Mommybites Summit, please email us and we’ll be happy to add you to our list!

Next Internet Radio Show: ScreamFree Parenting Founder Hal Runkel Talks Relationships

Elise — Tue, 03 May 2011 14:48:19 +0000

In his book, ScreamFree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach To Raising Your Kids By Keeping Your Cool, marriage and family therapist, Hal Edward Runkel, encourages parents to stop trying to control their kids and start controlling their own emotional responses instead.

Join us on May 10 at 1 – 2 p.m. ET as we talk with Hal about parenting, marriages, and how parents can “calm themselves down and grow themselves up” in order to connect with their kids and each other.

Hal will be the keynote speaker at our Mommybites Summit: The Ultimate Moms Night Out happening May 19 at the Columbia Faculty House in NYC. It’s an evening to meet other parents, enjoy wine and snacks, check out a variety of cool kids’ products and services and hear from notable parenting experts.

Check it out! Get all the information on our shows and listen from your computer LIVE at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/mommybites/ or you can call in at 818-572-4956.

We will also be watching for your tweets – tweet to @babybites with hashtag – #mommybites during our show. There will also be a live chat on the BlogTalkRadio page. You can create a BlogTalkRadio account or just sign in using your Facebook account too.

Do you have any questions you would like for us to ask Hal on the show? If so, post them below and we will be sure to add them to our interview. You can also call in during the show and ask them to Hal yourself!

We’d like to thank our sponsor for this BlogTalkRadio episode: Britax. Britax is a leading child seat manufacturer. For more than three decades, it has been a pioneer in developing car seats that enhance safety. Britax is also one our co-sponsors of the 2011 Mommybites Summit on May 19 in NYC.

Our Article in New York Family- SAY IT, DON’T SCREAM IT

Elise — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 12:53:25 +0000

This month’s New York Family magazine features a Q&A written by our very own Laura & Heather, co-owners of babybites! We are so excited to be included and have reprinted the article below from the web. But you can grab a copy any where New York Family is carried in NYC!

*Reprinted from New York family magazine‘s Thursday, March 17, 2011 edition

SAY IT, DON’T SCREAM IT
‘Scream Free’ Parenting Guru Hal Edward Runkel Urges Parents To Connect With Their Kids By Keeping Their Cool

By Laura Deutsch and Heather Ouida

In his book, “ScreamFree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach To Raising Your Kids By Keeping Your Cool,”marriage and family therapist Hal Edward Runkel encourages parents to stop trying to control their kids and start controlling their own emotional responses instead. We recently spoke with Runkel (who also authored the recently released title “ScreamFree Marriage”) about his book, the “scream free” approach, and how parents can “calm themselves down and grow themselves up” in order to connect with their kids.

What is the “scream free parenting” philosophy? It’s a shift of focus. Instead of trying to control your children, control yourself. We’ve all tried to control our children and none of us have been successful. The goal of this model is to control ourselves so that we can have a position of influence where our children can respect that mom and dad are adults and that they don’t lose their cool. ScreamFree is about creating a pause between children pushing our buttons and our response. In that pause, we can begin to think more clearly: “I am going to be an adult no matter how childishly my children behave.”

You claim that one of the best things we as parents can do for our children is to focus more on ourselves. Can you explain?
If we don’t take care of ourselves, we end up needing our kids to take care of us by behaving and by making us look good. Then they are the leaders of the family, not us. What kids need most are parents that do not need them—I know this is a jarring statement, but it’s true. Focusing on yourself is one of the best things you can do because you are communicating to your kids that you don’t need them to take care of you.

In your book, you talk about how parents have to be aware of their own “emotional reactivity” in order to control their responses to their children’s behavior. What exactly is emotional reactivity, and how should parents deal with it?
“Emotional reactivity” is the term we use for screaming, being passive-aggressive, shutting down, or becoming resentful [in response to other people’s behavior]. The central enemy you face as a parent is not your kids, it’s not TV, it’s not drugs. Your enemy is your own emotional reactivity. When we get reactive, we don’t just make things worse, we actually create the outcome we were hoping to avoid in the first place. Staying calm grants you a sense of authority. Parents may not always have the perfect thing to say or the perfect consequence, but when we stay calm the message to our children is, “No matter what you do, I am still in charge of me; I’m not going to do you a disservice by giving you my remote control and then complaining about the fact that you push my buttons.”

What if I have a difficult child who whines and complains, or is aggressive? What if my child does something really naughty, like hits their sibling? How do I stay calm, no matter what?
If you want to use it as an opportunity to lead them, don’t get louder. Get calmer. Get quieter. Go right up to them, be as still as you can, and whisper, “You are not going to behave this way. You are going into timeout,” or whatever you choose to be the consequence. The softer and calmer you get, the more serious you sound.

Parents have told us that conflicts often arise when they feel rushed, which in this city, is much of the time! How can we implement non-reactive parenting when we are feeling so stressed?
If you’re waiting until the heat of the moment to discover this ScreamFree muscle, that’s like not exercising and then trying to lift 200 pounds. This has to be something that you’re beginning to ingest on an ongoing basis, and it means that you start thinking strategically: what do I need to do to give my kids the best chance of succeeding in the morning? Perhaps it’s getting my kids up 15 minutes earlier. Mornings and bedtimes are not times to start ranting and raving; those are times that call us to a higher standard because our kids are looking to us in those stressful moments for leadership.

Parents often describe scenarios like, “My child refuses to get dressed, get in the stroller, leave for school, eat dinner, etc.” How can parents handle these situations in a calm way?
They are refusing because they are testing. Ask yourself, what are the natural and logical consequences for refusing? Instead of saying things like, “Don’t throw the toy” over and over, say, “If you throw the toy, the toy goes away for ten minutes.” Don’t be angry about it.

Say they are refusing to get in the stroller and I have somewhere to be. At some point shouldn’t I just pick them up and put them in the stroller?
Absolutely! Say, “You don’t have the choice as to whether you go to school on time. You do have the choice as to how you go to school. You can go the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is you get dressed, you get in the stroller and we start walking. The hard way is I pick you up and put you in.” Don’t be angry about it, just respect that they are choosing the hard way. You always want to give your kids some choice in the matter because that’s the skill you want your kids to develop most: decision-making.

But shouldn’t we insist that our children do what we, as parents, say?
So many parents think, “I should say it and they should do it.” I always ask them, until when? How long do you want to be responsible for telling them what to do every step of the way? When do you want them to begin to think for themselves? It’s our job to let them know the choices they don’t have—kids don’t have the choice between going to school or playing in the street—but also the choices they do have. One of the best things we can do is get to a place where there is nothing our kids can do to embarrass us. When we allow them to embarrass us we’re taking too much responsibility for them. We are not responsible for our kids; we’re responsible to them.

If there’s one piece of advice you hope parents take away from reading your book, what would it be?
That your kids are going to act like kids. The real question is, how old are you going to act? Someone once told me that this scream free model is like moving away from the impossible—controlling your kids—and moving to the really, really difficult—controlling yourself.

Laura Deutsch and Heather Ouida run the social and educational parent networks Babybites and Kiddybites. For more info, visit babybites.com.

The Mommybites Summit: The Ultimate Moms Night Out

Babybites invites city moms (and dads and even grandparents!) to their annual MommyBites Summit: The Ultimate Moms Night Out, happening May 19 at the Columbia Faculty House. It’s an evening to meet other parents; enjoy wine and snacks; check out a variety of cool kids’ products and services; and hear from notable parenting experts, including keynote speaker and “ScreamFree Parenting” author Hal Runkel, Cool Mom Picks publisher and CEO Kristen Chase, and Emmy-winning producers Mary Ann Zoellner and Alicia Ybarbo. All attendees will be entered to win incredible raffle prizes and will leave with a gift bag. To learn more, visit babybites.com.

Join Us on Our Next BlogTalkRadio Show- Mommybites Summit Roundtable | Hot Parenting Topics

Elise — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 13:00:31 +0000

The Mommybites Summit: The Ultimate Moms Night Out, has become one of NYC’s most popular and talked about parenting events. It’s a night to mingle with other parents that have kids of all ages and hear the industries’ leading parenting experts discussing hot, edgy topics.

Join Laura & Heather on April 26 at 1 – 2 p.m. ET as they lead a panel of the 2011 Mommybites Summit speakers during a round table discussion on current parenting hot topics.

The show’s guest include:

Jennifer Link: founder for Sweet Pea Baby Planners New York
Susan Hunt Stevens: founder and CEO of Practically Green
Sarah Finnie Robinson: Director of Social Programming atPractically Green
Keith Schneider: Senior Vice President of PEM America & product safety expert

Check it out! Get all the information on our shows and how to get connected at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/mommybites/ or just call in at 818-572-4956.

We will be watching for your tweets – tweet to @babybites with hashtag #mommybites during our show. There will also be a live chat on the BlogTalkRadio page. You can create a BlogTalkRadio account or just sign in using your Facebook account too.

Want to know more about our shows, listen to our last show below to see what the buzz is all about!

Listen to internet radio with mommybites on Blog Talk Radio

Notes from “Mommybites Summit Roundtable | Hot Parenting Topics” Show

lauracorp — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 18:36:09 +0000

Today on our blog talk radio show we were honored to have 3 of our Mommybites Summit speakers on hand to answer questions on hot parenting topics that are getting lots of buzz lately. Our guests today included Dustin Bryson, social media and marketing officer at Envirocon Technologies, Kristen Chase, mother, blogger at Motherhood Uncensored, and sex columnist for Imperfectparent.com, and Marsha Greenberg, therapist and author of Raising Your Toddler.

Topics covered on today’s show include:

Balancing work & motherhood
Children & how they affect marriage
Discussing world disasters & death with your children
How social media has changed the ways you find information as a parent

If you missed the show, you can listen to it live here:

Here are some of our favorite quotes from the show!

- “Think about things in short term snippets. You don’t have to figure out the rest of your life right now.”

- “Work life balance – is there such a thing?”

- “It’s my goal at night to be so worn out by my son that I’m too tired to do any more work.”

- “In our own minds we need to define what satisfaction is in our marriages.”

- “Happy relationship equals happy children equals happy family.”

- “The best thing you can do for your children is role model intimacy with your partner.”

- “YouTube is a fantastic place to find out how NOT to be a parent!”

- “Don’t act weird and uncomfortable when speaking about sex to your kids.”

- “Facebook and twitter is the 21st century never ending village.”

- “Giving kids space to work it out, letting them vent, and allowing them to get their anger out is critical (when dealing with death).”