By Elise Jones, blog editor

We’ve been lucky in the northeast as of late, the weather has NOT been typical mid-winter weather. So the opportunity to open the windows to let in the fresh air has been ample. For those of you who are in colder climates and not able to open up your windows to allow some fresh air in, here are some tips to improve your indoor air quality and why you should do them right now!

Why you should improve your indoor air quality:

• Indoor air pollution is one of the top five environmental health risks.
• Our homes are full of all sorts of toxic chemicals, whether they are from carpeting, insulation, various fabrics, floors and counter tops, or just toxic cleaning supplies.
• The trapped pollutants result in what is often called the Sick Building Syndrome. This syndrome is a result of our homes and offices being virtually sealed off from the outside environment trapping the pollution inside. Newer homes and buildings, designed for energy efficiency, are often tightly sealed to avoid energy loss from heating and air conditioning systems.
• Additionally, synthetic building materials used in construction have been found to produce pollutants that remain trapped in our buildings and homes.

Signs of poor indoor ventilation:

• stuffy air
• moisture condensation on cold surfaces
• mold and mildew growth

Ways to improve your indoor air quality:

• Bring in air cleansing plants: gerbera daisy, ficus, philodendrons, bamboo, peace lily, English ivy, spider plant, & mother-in-law tongue. For an average home of under 2,000 square feet, use at least fifteen samples of a good variety of these common houseplants to help improve air quality. source
• Minimize the use of products and materials that cause indoor pollution and regularly use green products to renovate and clean your home.
• Bring in outdoor air through exhaust fans or ventilation systems in your air conditioning units.
• Remove airborne pollutants through portable air filters, electronic particle air cleaners and ionizers. source

So crack a window, bring in some greenery, circulate your indoor air and breathe a bit easier until spring arrives and we can permanently throw open our windows once again.

Have any suggestions or questions for our Green Parenting blog? Email elise@babybites.com.

__________________________________________________

Like what you see? Here are some more Green Parenting columns:

• Eat Only What You Can Pronounce

• Non-Toxic Home Cleaning Ideas

• New Year; New (chemical) Rug

• Poisonous Apple & Grape Juice

___________________________________________________

With Superbowl weekend approaching, I have been getting many requests to share my famous lasagna recipe. Ok – that’s a lie. Not a single person has asked for the recipe and it’s not really famous.  But… it is super quick and easy to make and would make a great contribution for a pot luck-type situation like a Super Bowl party, so here it is:

Ingredients:

48 oz container of Ricotta (I like to use the part skim)
1-2 boxes of No Boil lasagna noodles (these are SO easy to use! But if you want to make it a bit healthier, you can also use the whole wheat noodles.).
2 jars of tomatoes sauce (I like to use Rao’s vegetable sauce, but any chunky sauce will do)
2 packets of frozen spinach
1 container freshly grated parmesan cheese

How to make it (my record for making this is under 7 minutes):

1. Defrost and drain the spinach (2-3 minutes in the microwave on high usually does the trick).
2. Using a big mixing bowl, mix the spinach in with the ricotta
3. Spread a layer of the tomato sauce on the base of your lasagna pan (this keeps it form sticking) and then place your first layer of noodles in the pan.
4. Spread the spinach and ricotta mixture on the noodles, cover with some of the tomato sauce and then sprinkle with some parmesan cheese.
5. Repeat the noodle, ricotta, sauce, parmesan layers until you fill the pan.
6. Cover with tin foil and bake on 350 for about an hour or until it’s piping hot (I take the tin foil off for the last 5 minutes to make the top extra crispy).

Here’s to moms who are not very good in the kitchen (like me!) finding quick and easy recipes that actually taste good!

Cheers,
Heather
heather@kiddybites.com

Brenda and Patrick harangue the kids to eat with endless repetitions of “Eat this, eat that, one more bite, no treats until you eat this.” The kids fuss, whine and resist. It is so unpleasant I could just scream. I asked my sister if we could do something to make mealtimes for the kids more enjoyable, but she brushed me off and said they need to learn to eat right and to obey their parents. And to make it even worse, my parents (the kids’ grandparents) do the exact same thing at mealtime when they’re babysitting. When I talked with them, they said they had to do what Brenda tells them to do.

I am single, have never been married and I don’t claim to be any kind of an expert when it comes to raising children, but I can’t believe mealtimes have to be so awful. I feel bad for the kids. Is there anything I can do?

Alas, your options are limited. I say this because the feeding of children seems to be an area where smart and normally rational parents become stuck in power and control dramas where the outcomes are consistently and predictably a lose for both the parents and the children. Underpinning the eating battles is that many parents of young children, like Brenda and Patrick, mistakenly believe they can control all aspects of their children’s eating. Eating ends up a power play where the parents, again mistakenly, equate good parenting with their success in winning these unwinnable battles, while the kids fight this control by outright refusing to eat, or making the process difficult. If others are around, the young parents often get louder and more adamant that their kids follow their eating dictums, perhaps correctly suspecting they are being observed, and even worse, judged. It really is uncomfortable to witness.

As you point out, it is easy for Brenda and Patrick to dismiss your thoughts and input: you don’t have any direct experience in raising children, you don’t have a formal background in this area, and most important, Brenda and Patrick have not asked for your advice. In fact, it sounds like they’re very committed to doing what they’re doing. They’ve even trained the grandparents to carry the banner in their absence!

It sounds like Brenda and Patrick have a basic parenting philosophy, that is, a set of guiding principles about their kids’ eating, based on interspersing the use of controlling, coaxing, cajoling, begging, forcing, and making threats. This will continue unless they change their basic philosophy about what they want to be the goals and outcomes of their kids’ feeding and eating habits. I have two excellent sources for you if you decide you want to approach Brenda and Patrick about reassessing their current philosophy, but for the reasons already discussed, your chances of influencing them are not good.

One is the philosophy developed and taught by eating specialist and author Ellyn Satter. She says: “Feeding demands a division of responsibility. Parents are responsible for the WHAT, WHEN, and WHERE of FEEDING; Children are responsible for the HOW MUCH and WHETHER of EATING.” In addition to her books, Ellyn’s Web site is chock full of research and information to help parents (and aunts!) make this philosophy doable, ongoing and successful. I have to point out that her emphasis on the division of responsibility is difficult for many young parents to accept.

Another great resource is sociologist, researcher, teacher and recent babybites guest speaker, Dr. Dina Rose (to listen to her one-hour children’s nutrition presentation; to visit her website It’s Not About Nutrition).

I asked Dr. Rose to summarize her philosophy about children and eating for this column. “My philosophy is simple: Eating right isn’t about food, it’s about behavior — what, where, why, when and how much someone chooses to eat…if you want to teach children to eat right you have to focus less on the food and more on shaping their behavior…Unfortunately, our current culture of nutrition has created an environment where parents approach feeding their children with a nutrition-at-all-cost mentality…The goal of getting nutrients into kids, however, leads parents to…shape their kids’ taste buds in the wrong direction (towards sweets and treats and away from fruits and vegetables)…and use of questionable feeding strategies, such as two more bites, trading peas for pie, etc., that backfire.”

She goes on the say: “The solution is for parents to focus less on the food and more on shaping their children’s habits…When parents focus on shaping habits, good nutrition always follows. Alternatively, when parents focus on nutrition, they often inadvertently end up teaching bad habits. It’s one of the greatest paradoxes of parenting!”

You might start a conversation with Brenda and Patrick and your parents by saying you looked into what a couple of experts had to say about children and eating, you found what they have to say really interesting, and you want to share it with them. It’s a long shot, but maybe one of them will be frustrated enough with the current eating routines to want to learn about something different.

Ask Dr. Gramma Karen is published every Thursday.
E-mail queries to Karen@babybites.com

You asked and you shall now receive. It’s only fair for us to share all of this stored up knowledge about a toddlers and what happens when they start toddling (and talking)! We now will answer, in a very public forum, all of those burning questions about children in their second year. Each Wednesday, we will tackle a commonly-asked-question from the point of view of a parent with a toddler. Chiming in to give her feedback will be three women who have been there and done that: an expert (you know someone who does this for a living), a mom from our community (for the “best” friend advice you need) and a babybites’ team member (someone who will promise to give you the REAL deal and no fluff).  Earmark, share and add your own input to today’s question; it’s good karma.

Preschools- when should I start thinking about applying and getting more information?

Expert: Marsha Greenberg

Finding a preschool program for your child in NYC can be stressful but here are some things that may be helpful. Most programs are good. Most programs have good teaching staff, safe environments, and interesting materials. They also prepare your child well for kindergarten by supporting his or her social, emotional and cognitive growth. Look for schools in your neighborhood, stop by and pick up enrollment information when your toddler turns 18 months. Ask to visit the programs six to seven months before you need to apply. Watch how the staff works with children. How do teachers problem solve challenges that all children have with sharing or transitions? What is the programs separation policy? Check out websites like the National Association for the Education of Young Children or Zero to Three to read about developmentally appropritate practice, and age appropriate curriculum. Many programs require a visit for your child where he or she needs to separate from you, so prepare your child a few days in advance. (This is an unfortunate practice because it is not a reliable indicator of your child’s success). Most programs interview parents; try to be yourself. Programs have a range of internal criteria they use to determine good fit. If your child does not get in, it is not an statement of your parenting or your child’s intelligence. The enrollment process can make families feel badly if they are not accepted. Try to remind yourself this is city specific. Always keep in my mind what you know about your child: you are his best advocate.

Mom: Mina McKiernan

In NYC, you should start thinking about pre-schools one full year before enrollment. In the summer, start to make a list of the preschools you’re most interested in and visit their website or call to request information on their application process. Generally speaking, in September you will schedule school tours and begin submitting applications. Subsequently, interviews are scheduled and decisions are often communicated around March. It’s important to have the most updated information as preschool admissions in NYC are quite competitive and deadlines are strict. There is also a universal pre-k program, (free of charge!), offered in many NYC public schools. More information for this can be found on the DOE’s website.

babybites’ team: Heather Ouida

It’s really easy these days, to get caught up in the preschool craziness that happens in NYC and many other metropolitan areas. However, I think it makes the most sense to start casually investigating preschools the year before the admissions process actually starts. By investigating I mean checking out different school web sites, learning a little about different schools’ philosophies and finding what schools are in your neighborhood. I think it’s very important to take into account your child’s unique personality and possible learning preferences (as much as you can at such a young age!). Here are 10 tips from one of our regular speakers’ NYC PEAS on nursery school admissions that I think is especially helpful:

• • Ten things to jumpstart the private school admissions process:
  • Research as many schools as possible
  • Attend spring tours/open houses as offered. Get ahead of the game.
  • Keep an open mind about all schools.
  • Steer away from “park bench” gossip.
  • Set up a support group system with only “genuine” friends and/or an educational consultant you trust!
  • Jot down the five important attributes that you value in a school.
  • Get organized early by setting up a calendar or an Excel spreadsheet.
  • Think about your application essay during the summer; what would you want a school to know about your child?
  • Make a list of all connections you may have to any schools no matter how small.
  • Stay cool, calm and positive!

About our team:

Marsha Greenberg M.S., M.S. W

Marsha is a therapist in New York City. She is the author of the newly released book, Raising Your Toddler, by Globe Pequot Press. She has masters degrees in Child and Family Development and Social Work from the University of Michigan. As the Director of the Health Systems Child Care Program for over 14 years, she was responsible for over 250 children between the ages of 6 weeks and 6 years of age. Marsha teaches in the Early Childhood Special Education department at NYU and has a private psychotherapy practice in NYC. Marsha is the mother of three grown sons and has three grandsons (aged 4 and 18 months and 4 months) with a new grandchild on the way.

Mina McKiernan

Mina is a mom to two daughters: Leila, 6, and Ella, 4. Before becoming a stay-at home mom, she worked as a recruiter for HR professionals.

Heather Ouida

Heather co-owns babybites with business partner Laura Deutsch. She is responsible for managing, growing and overseeing babybites nationally as well their flagship city of Manhattan. Heather’s favorite parts of her job include hosting “Mommybites Live” an educational talk show with parenting luminaries, writing her blog which varies between sappy, educational and downright snarky, interviewing parenting experts for babybites’ regular tele-class series and facilitating some of the Manhattan working moms support groups. Prior to co-founding babybites, Heather was a learning specialist where she taught in London for many years as well as at The Dalton School in Manhattan. Heather holds a BA in psychology from Hobart and William Smith Colleges, an MA in child development form Tufts University and acquired her learning specialist degree form York University in England. Heather currently resides in Manhattan her husband, two boys, two fish and pet turtle. Heather’s hobbies include, hot yoga, Nutella eating, writing, Bravo watching, reading and sharing inappropriate jokes with girl friends. To learn more about Heather’s mission to support follow-moms in non-judgmental ways please click here.

You asked and you shall now receive. It’s only fair for us to share all of this stored up knowledge about a baby and what happens once the baby is born until they are no longer called a baby but a toddler! We now will answer, in a very public forum, all of those burning questions about babies and those first 12 months. Each Tuesday, we will tackle a commonly-asked-question from the point of view of a new parent. Chiming in to give her feedback will be three women who have been there and done that: an expert (you know someone who does this for a living), a mom from our community (for the “best” friend advice you need) and a babybites’ team member (someone who will promise to give you the REAL deal and no fluff).  Earmark, share and add your own input to today’s question; it’s good karma.

What are the easiest ways to get chores done with a newborn?

Expert: Dr. Gina Lamb – Amato

It’s really overwhelming when you bring a newborn home and thinking about keeping your home clean and orderly can be even more overwhelming. There are several suggestions for doing chores with a new infant:

- Place your baby in a baby carrier or baby sling and do light housekeeping wearing your infant. However do not use spray cleaners with chemicals when wearing your baby. Also be careful not do make any movements that would harm your infant.
– Place your baby in a musical swing, which can often soothe her to sleep. While your baby’s in the swing you can do some chores.
– Do chores while your baby is sleeping. However this often means giving up your own naptime, which you really need especially at the beginning when you are feeding every few hours.
– Most babies find the sound of the vacuum soothing so you can place your infant in an infant seat or crib and vacuum but not near the baby (vacuuming brings up dust which isn’t good for infants.)
– Accept help from family and friends. You can’t do it all yourself and if your husband, family and friends will help accept the help.
– Hire household help. You want to be able to spend time with your baby and not have to worry and think about cleaning the house. It can be very helpful to have someone come and help you clean even once a week so you just have to do some light housekeeping. Remember you need your rest! Also this is your bonding time with your baby.

Mom: Sara Pinto

With a three month old, especially one nicknamed ‘Damn Well Please’ because she’ll only do it if/when she damn well pleases it can be challenging but not impossible. In the mornings after she’s had her first feeding we play/sing/read for an hour or so which eventually tires her out so she will then nap in her crib up to an hour. Use that time wisely and do the things around the house you need to do. If you need to run errands outside it’s usually pretty easy as you pop them in the stroller and hey presto, they’re asleep and you can go/do what you need to. Of course it’s never that simple as they’ll wake up when you’re in the middle of something…but don’t stress you can always finish it later. If you can get your chores started in the morning you can finish it during the afternoon or evening nap/sleep. Just try and plan what you need to get done and you can generally find the time to do it. But if not, just roll with the punches and try again tomorrow. The biggest thing is just to stay calm; if you stress the baby will stress and that’s the last thing you want. I have heard that a Moby or wrap can be great for doing chores around the house as you’re basically just carrying the baby with you and as they like being close to you they’re generally calm but I haven’t tried it.

babybites’ team: Laura Deutsch

Well, first thing is first, if you are fortunate enough to have some help, (partner, family member, friend) chores should be first thing on their list of to do’s. Explain to them that the BEST present would be for them to help out with household duties. I remember when my daughter was born (my first child) any ‘free’ time I had was devoted to crawling into bed and trying to get some zzzz’s. The thought of doing chores was painful. So I enlisted the help of my friends and family to come over a few times per week for the first few months just to help me with that stuff – laundry, dishes, garbage, tidying, etc. Luckily my husband really stepped up and helped out too. Now, what if you are not in the fortunate position of having people around to help out? I would say not to set your expectations too high. You (nor your newborn for that matter) do not need a meticulous house in order to survive, so don’t go nuts cleaning like you used to. But at some point you will need laundry done and you will need clean dishes to eat on and you will need to take out the garbage, so my advice is to set a very reasonable goal for yourself – one chore per day: one load of laundry, or one dishwasher load, or straightening up your room, etc. And if you miss a day (or two or four), it’s OK – I promise that the cleaning police will not arrest you! Remember, when you have a newborn, you are in survival mode, and don’t forget that. Be good to yourself. Your house will get clean and your chores will get done…..eventually.

About our team

Dr. Gina Lamb – Amato MD

Gina is a general pediatrician and developmental pediatrician who works at Village Pediatrics and Agho Medical practices both in Manhattan, NY. She has a masters in child therapy and works with a child psychologist Rosa Vasquez PhD performing office and home consultation for newborns and parents, office and home developmental assessments, school consultations and parent child playgroups where play and art along with baby massage and other techniques are used to help parents bond and support their child’s development. Formerly, Gina was the Director of Pediatric Special Medical Needs before she went into private practice where she cared for medically fragile infants and children. She is also a Early Intervention Pediatrician for Early Intervention which assesses and treats infants from age zero to 3 years. She has extensive experience in Early Head Start programs which work with infants from prenatal to 3 years of age. She is the mother of a beautiful daughter who is 3 years old and the joy of my life. Her husband is an artist, producer and owns Synchronicity Space, a non-profit arts organization that supports emerging artist in fine art and theatre. Finally, she is also an artist who paints mainly babies and children.

Sarah Pinto

Sara has one daughter who is 2 1/2 months. In her professional life, she is the Director of the Professional & Scholarly Publishing (PSP) Division at the Association of American Publishers.

Laura Deutsch

Laura Deutsch is the original founder and creator of babybites. Since first starting babybites in 2006 by handing out post cards to fellow moms on the streets of Manhattan, Laura has continued to use her business savvy, dedication and creativity to cultivate and grow babybites in its flagship city of Manhattan. Prior to founding babybites, Laura worked as a middle school math teacher at The Dwight School in Manhattan. Laura holds her BA from Binghamton University and her MA in Early Childhood Education from Hunter College. She currently resides in Summit, NJ, with her husband, Brian, daughter, Ava, and son, Jacob.

You asked and you shall now receive. It’s only fair for us to share all of this stored up knowledge about having a baby and what is going on with your body during those nine (really ten) months. We now will answer, in a very public forum, all of those burning questions about having a baby. Each Monday, we will tackle a commonly-asked-question from the point of view of an expectant parent. Chiming in to give her feedback will be three women who have been there and done that: an expert (you know someone who does this for a living), a mom from our community (for the “best” friend advice you need) and a babybites’ team member (someone who will promise to give you the REAL deal and no fluff).  Earmark, share and add your own input to today’s question; it’s good karma.

What are some ways I can manage pain during labor?

Expert: Renee Sullivan

Great news! There are so many effective ways in this day and age to navigate labor and bring your little ones into the world. From the traditional epidural, to comforting pain relief methods such as specific breathing techniques, yoga poses, massage, acupuncture and water therapy. One of my faves? The simple act of walking. Movement – the more we are able to move around, change positions and walk in labor, the quicker things can go. One of the gals in the groups walked over a mile across Central Park to the hospital – and was pleasantly surprised upon arrival that she was almost done! Keep it moving, and the baby will often move along.

Mom: Andrea Reid

Thankfully, there are lots of different techniques for managing pain during labor! An epidural is one of the most common ways to manage pain, but there are many non-pharmacologic or “natural” pain relievers that one can try to cope with labor. Some of these include breathing techniques, massage, water (i.e. shower or bath), birth balls, movement including walking or swaying, and good ‘ole fashion encouragement! Another idea is to hire a birth doula who is an expert in labor techniques and can be your personal “birth coach” to support you throughout the process. The childbirth class my husband and I took was taught by a birth doula who shared lots of great strategies and tips for managing labor pain.

babybites’ team: Elise Jones

Pain and labor pain to be specific, are NOT my thing. Being too hot/cold sends me into fits so when I heard about the pain and thought about the pain involved in giving birth, I knew I was in trouble. I like to think I’m pretty tough but did you know I have red hair AND it is proven that red-headed people feel pain MORE than any other hair color (it has to do with our DNA). So I’m justified in knowing the monumental amount of pain having a baby would bring to my person. That being said, I also knew I wanted to wait as long as possible into the birthing process to get some pain medicine. I know if you get an epidural too early, it could wear off before the real fun begins. I also was told in my birthing classes there was a chance an epidural could slow down the natural process of birth and it leads to more C-sections than not having an epidural. Again, pain + me = NO WAY. A C-section was WAY more pain than I was willing to deal with so avoiding one at all costs was high on my pain management list. The ways I coped with pain before having pain medicine were: walking, getting on my all fours and doing cat stretches, sitting on a medicine ball and rocking, having my husband massage my back, eating ice chips and yelling (or high-pierced screaming if you ask everyone else). Lesson learned after my first child: you can wait until it’s too late to ask for pain medicine. So if you think it’s in the cards for you, make sure you time it just right!

Renee Sullivan, parent coach and babybites support group director, works with moms each week to create their own personal parenting plan that is right for them, while making sure that each mom gets the support, resources, and community they need for their parenting journey. Drawing from her experience as an birth coach and educator, she guides moms – new, seasoned and expectant through the never – ending array of decisions that come with having a child. Before joining Mommybites, she narrowly escaped the trenches of Corporate America where she was a Senior Project Manager for The New York Times, Morgan Stanley, and Pfizer. She lives in New York City and is the mom of one happy kindergartener.

Elise Jones

Elise is the social media director and blog editor for babybites. She is responsible for engaging and investigating a variety of parenting topics found on babybites’ social media channels: parenting videos (webbybites), blog, Facebook, Twitter, and BlogTalkRadio show. The babybites’ blog is an outlet for moms who are in search of information to support them in their role as a parent. Prior to working with babybites, Elise was a teacher and worked in corporate PR. She is a wife and loving mom of two lovely girls and currently resides in New Jersey.  In her spare time (HA!) she performs in the theater and is an active member of her local public arts council as well as blogs at Here in This House.

By Elise Jones, blog editor

As long as I can remember, if I was really sick there was hope my illness could be treated by an antibiotic to be cured quickly. It was the mentality of my grandparents’ and parents’ generation who lived without these quick medicinal fixes and felt what the doctor told them was always best and right.

I hope now we are a much wiser generation and know to question anything that doesn’t sound right or gel with our personal beliefs. As such, there has been a big push by holistic health professionals to try and treat illness with natural remedies before resorting to prescription drugs. As parents know all too well, it is very difficult to find medicine for the under 4-years-old set in a pharmacy. That has taught me many tricks, such as saline spray, humidifiers, steam from hot showers and honey (for over 1 years old only) to treat coughs and runny noses.

But what about antibiotics? It’s indisputable that when a doctor tells you to take an antibiotic, 99% of us do it. Why question that?

Antibiotics were first introduced as a mass market drug in 1942 with penicillin. Then in 1955 tetracycline (the most prescribed antibiotic) was introduced followed by amoxicillin in 1981. It is said that ancient civilizations used mold to treat infected wounds so the benefits of antibiotics and bacteria in treating illnesses have been long know.

What’s the problem then? The overuse of antibiotics is making us sicker. When we use an antibiotic it kills the bad bacteria in our bodies that is causing us to be sick. Over time our bodies can build up resistance to the antibiotics because the bacteria can change and get use to the antibiotic “ingredients”. This causes the bad bacteria to mutate, survive and continue to grow causing more harm. This has contributed to the huge problem of antibiotic resistance creating Super Bugs. source

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Antibiotic resistance—when antibiotics can no longer cure bacterial infections—has been a concern for years and is considered one of the world’s most critical public health threats.”

So what can we do?

• NOT request antibiotics unless there is a bacterial infection. Antibiotics do NOT cure viruses like:
  • Colds or flu;
  • Most coughs and bronchitis;
  • Some ear infections;
  • Sore throats not caused by strep; or
  • Runny noses. source
• Talk to your doctor about antibiotic resistance and what you are prescribed. Do not pressure your doctor to give you an antibiotic.
• Do NOT save your antibiotic for the next time you are sick or do NOT share your antibiotic with anyone else.
• Take your antibiotic exactly as it is prescribed and finish it!

My goal is to try and treat illnesses with as many natural remedies as possible. Do you have any good ones you like to use?

Have any suggestions or questions for our Green Parenting blog? Email elise@babybites.com.

__________________________________________________

Like what you see? Here are some more Green Parenting columns:

• Eat Only What You Can Pronounce
• Non-Toxic Home Cleaning Ideas
• New Year; New (chemical) Rug
• Poisonous Apple & Grape Juice

___________________________________________________

Go Giants! OK, so truth be told, I just said that to sound cool. In fact, up until recently I was not 100% sure if the Giants were a football or basketball team. I did not know that “touchdowns” were not called “goals” and that apparently you “root” for teams rather than “vote” for them.

But now that my boys have gotten really into football watching (much to the pleasure of my husband) here’s what I’ve come to love about the game:  I love that they love it so much. That they hoot, holler, high five and scream their way through the game. Love that they watch it with all of their cousins while crowded into one room often smushed on the same couch.  Love that Lays potato chips (the real ones, not the Baked!) with onion dip is always served alongside pizza, cookies and other “football” food.

Here’s to team spirit, greasy chips and good ‘ol family fun!

Cheers,
Heather
heather@kiddybites.com

A couple of weeks ago when the grandchildren were spending the weekend with us while their parents went on a mini-vacation, Mikey said, “Grandma, Mommy said you don’t dress your age. What does that mean?” When Mikey said that, I took a deep breath and calmly told him that people have different ideas about what constitutes fashion, but the truth is that I was absolutely floored! I take great pride in my appearance. I go to the gym at least three times a week, I watch what I eat. I think I look pretty good for my age, and I try to dress with flair and style.

I thought I had a great relationship with Carly, but I am so hurt that she would say something so negative and hurtful about the way I dress. My husband thinks I am over reacting. I am not sure what I should do.

You deserve credit for being kind and sensitive in your response to Mikey by not reacting emotionally with him or doing anything to “punish the messenger.” Sounds like he is an innocent player in this situation, as he was just repeating something he heard and didn’t understand. So, what, if anything, might you say to your daughter?

Let’s try a hypothetical situation: If your ten-year-old granddaughter Julie came to you and said, “Grandma, my feelings are hurt because one of my girlfriends said she doesn’t like the way I dress,” I suspect you would talk with her about what’s important, first and foremost, is that she needs to dress for herself – that is, in ways that help her feel good about herself (and are deemed appropriate by her parents, as she is, after all, only ten). Further, you would probably suggest to her that, in general, dressing to please others is ultimately a losing battle, because inevitably, some will like her choices and others will not. I say “in general” because there might be people whose approval is important.

And this brings us back to your daughter saying something “hurtful” about the way you dress. You say you eat right, you regularly exercise, and you try to dress with “flair and style,” all of which suggest strong, positive and self-confident actions on your part. So, the critical question you need to answer is: Is it important to you that Carly approves of your fashion choices? If not, then there isn’t any need to do or say anything.

However, the fact that you say your feelings are hurt suggests you do want Carly to approve of the way you dress. If so, then you have some options. For example, you can tell Carly you value her opinion and because you’re thinking about making some wardrobe changes, you’d like her advice. However, a cardinal rule about asking for advice is that you have to be open to the possibility that the advice you get flies in the face of your self-image. In fact, if you want her candid comments you may have to emphasize that you’re serious about making some changes and she needs to be forthright with you. If she tells you she thinks you should dress in ways that are more flattering and / or appropriate for you, then you have to listen and not become defensive. You need to ask for specific examples so you really understand her advice. She may make some suggestions that make sense to you.

Another option is for you to read some fashion books and articles on your own, or meet with a fashion or style consultant. (If you Google “style or fashion consultants in Manhattan,” you’ll get several million hits!) Once you have some ideas, then you can approach your daughter and share with her some of the fashion tips and strategies you’re thinking about and ask her what she thinks.

You’ll notice in my suggestions that Mikey doesn’t come into the discussion at all. This is about you, your daughter and a comment she made. If you lead with “Mikey said…” the focus is going to be on Mikey and his repeating something, and I don’t think this is where the problem lies. Unless, what is really bothering you is that your daughter said something negative about you in front of Mikey or within his earshot. If this is the case, you may want to just let the whole matter go because you probably don’t want to have a conversation with your daughter in which you try to tell her what she should and should not say about you in her own home.

Another possibility is that when you bring up the topic of your wardrobe, your daughter laughs and says Mikey told her what he repeated to you and she was wondering if his comment made an impact on you. If this is the case, you can slough it off, or you can let Carly know that your feelings were hurt. Carly may apologize if she hurt your feelings, but then again, there may be some substance to her comment that she will share with you, if you invite her to do so.

The fact that you feel you have a great relationship with your daughter suggests this one, isolated incident should be treated just as that – a one-off that can hopefully be easily addressed, if at all, and then forgotten. I think this is perhaps what your husband meant when he said you were over-reacting.

Ask Dr. Gramma Karen is published every Thursday.
E-mail queries to Karen@babybites.com

You asked and you shall now receive. It’s only fair for us to share all of this stored up knowledge about a toddlers and what happens when they start toddling (and talking)! We now will answer, in a very public forum, all of those burning questions about children in their second year. Each Wednesday, we will tackle a commonly-asked-question from the point of view of a parent with a toddler. Chiming in to give her feedback will be three women who have been there and done that: an expert (you know someone who does this for a living), a mom from our community (for the “best” friend advice you need) and a babybites’ team member (someone who will promise to give you the REAL deal and no fluff).  Earmark, share and add your own input to today’s question; it’s good karma.

What classes are available for my toddler?

Expert: Marsha Greenberg

There are all kinds of toddler classes in neighborhoods throughout the city. What is actually more important then finding a class that teaches something is finding a class where the facilitator understands toddler behavior: a class that allows for open exploring time, for dumping and pouring and physical movement. When classes have age appropriate materials and a physical space that is comfortable and teachers that understand what toddlers are about it is a winning combination. Almost all neighborhoods have classes with different times that match your toddler’s nap schedule. Check out some spots to see what they offer. Also talk to other parents and see what their experiences have been. Try to remember it is less important what is taught but more important that the social emotional experience is good for all of you. Some toddlers will sit and touch messy materials for art and some won’t, some toddlers stay close to their special grownup and some explore. All of these behaviors are typical so be sure to look for a class that suits your own toddler’s temperament.

Mom: Mina McKiernan

The range of exciting classes for toddlers these days is mind boggling. A quick Google search of “toddler classes” + your zip code, will start you with a list of options. When you walk around your neighborhood make sure to be on the lookout for new places catering to kids and always ask other parents what their experiences with different classes/teachers has been.

babybites’ team: Heather Ouida

Depending upon where you live, there are toddler classes in just about every “subject” – gym, dance, music, language, art, yoga, etc.! Toddler classes are often a great way to foster your toddler’s social skills, strengthen gross and find motor development and start getting them used to being part of a “group” which is often vital for preschool acquisition. When thinking about the right classes for your toddler, I think it’s important to take into account your toddler’s unique personality and likes and dislikes. Some kids love the loud and lively classes while others prefer the more clam and peaceful classes. Some kids love having time to relax, draw and create while others need to be in motion. You may, as I did with my two boys, have children that love totally different types of classes and experiences.

About our team:

Marsha Greenberg M.S., M.S. W

Marsha is a therapist in New York City. She is the author of the newly released book, Raising Your Toddler, by Globe Pequot Press. She has masters degrees in Child and Family Development and Social Work from the University of Michigan. As the Director of the Health Systems Child Care Program for over 14 years, she was responsible for over 250 children between the ages of 6 weeks and 6 years of age. Marsha teaches in the Early Childhood Special Education department at NYU and has a private psychotherapy practice in NYC. Marsha is the mother of three grown sons and has three grandsons (aged 4 and 18 months and 4 months) with a new grandchild on the way.

Mina McKiernan

Mina is a mom to two daughters: Leila, 6, and Ella, 4. Before becoming a stay-at home mom, she worked as a recruiter for HR professionals.

Heather Ouida

Heather co-owns babybites with business partner Laura Deutsch. She is responsible for managing, growing and overseeing babybites nationally as well their flagship city of Manhattan. Heather’s favorite parts of her job include hosting “Mommybites Live” an educational talk show with parenting luminaries, writing her blog which varies between sappy, educational and downright snarky, interviewing parenting experts for babybites’ regular tele-class series and facilitating some of the Manhattan working moms support groups. Prior to co-founding babybites, Heather was a learning specialist where she taught in London for many years as well as at The Dalton School in Manhattan. Heather holds a BA in psychology from Hobart and William Smith Colleges, an MA in child development form Tufts University and acquired her learning specialist degree form York University in England. Heather currently resides in Manhattan her husband, two boys, two fish and pet turtle. Heather’s hobbies include, hot yoga, Nutella eating, writing, Bravo watching, reading and sharing inappropriate jokes with girl friends. To learn more about Heather’s mission to support follow-moms in non-judgmental ways please click here.